I would like to announce that I am dead. My new health tracking app can prove it.

Good call. The priest will exorcise the foul demon in the name of the LORD! By any means necessary.

Clearly the bloodthirsty terrorist was deploying some sick bioweapon through his trousers. The hordes of communism grow ever bolder against the forces of good.

Twelve! No, fifteen! We need a platoon to take down such a bloodthirsty maniac!

“Okay, girlie. No sudden moves or I’m putting one in your gut. If you scream, my cop buddies around the corner will be all over you.”

“But I’m being nice. If you stay quiet and come with me, I’ll smooth things over with the force. We won’t have to break all of your bones before letting you go.”

“Now get over here. I’m going to take you somewhere special. You’ll love it.”

It most certainly is a game. It’s a game where anything is on the table for making sure the bad guys lose.

I would be more willing to accept that this is a good time to fold if the Dems went for the eyes or throat on other occasions. But they do not.

This is what happens when you don’t follow Stranger Danger. Any stranger could try to abduct you at any time, so you must be prepared.

“If I keep chasing the carrot on a stick, I’m sure they’ll let me get it eventually.”

Cool. So if I join ICE, am I allowed to sneak up on random people and toss em in my van?

This is one of those times where the Dems are trying to quiet the kid provoking the moronic yet excitable school dean.